The House of The Happy Buddhas

To Love a God

2011-12-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

I burn with my desires
And I burn at night
The sweat you see trickling
Is neither sickness nor fright

I wish for Dionisius,
Pan or even Poseidon
To do with me what often
They did with the mighty Priapus

So far, they never came
At least not during the day
In my dreams is where I seek
The love they keep for me.

Dec.12/2011 , Vancouver, BC, Canada

One Of A Kind

2011-12-18T13:25:00.001-08:00

One of a kind
by Antonio Sousa

It was hard enough to find you
But you keep saying that you are not enough
Then, you tell me: What should I do?
All my life friendship was neglected
"Too fat"; "A fag"; "Too smart"; "Not a rapper"
I tried to be cool and fit in with the crowd
"Even your mom left you"; "Don't be so loud"
I didn't do drugs, so I had no friends
Just happens I read books, so I had no friends
Everything I do just sounds like a mistake
At a job or at school, I am always the bad steak
How would you know it? You are surrounded by friends
They fly from distant shores just to see or talk to you
Was so hard finding you
- É necessário achar mais um?*

Sep.18/2010, Edmonton, AB, Canada

* Is is necessary to find one more? (portuguese)

Sobre o Dia do Homofóbico Enrustido

2011-08-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

Sobre o Dia do Homofóbico Enrustido
por Antonio Sousa

Quero, por meio desta, expressar o prazer que vivencio nos ultimos dias trancafiado no meu quarto por medo de represalias que posso vir a sofrer na rua.
Não do tipo físico, mas psico-emocionalmente falando, somos a nova piada do ano. E por nós eu quero dizer Brasil.
E por nova piada eu me refiro ao Dia do Orgulho Hetero. Ha!
Sabe, quando todo mundo postou isso no facebook eu olhei e pensei “gente, pára de dar corda pra esse povo besta... ignora que eles esquecem...”.
Mas gente, até o vocalista do Judas Priest zoou com a nossa cara. Vai no google e procura por Brazil Heterosexual Pride Day pra ver o que estão dizendo do Brasil por aí... Aliás, por aqui, que eu não moro na República das Bananas (uma pena, amo meu país).
Falta de vergonha na cara, o país que tem a maior Parada Gay do MUNDO sendo tão homofóbico.
Pois sim, como a Dani Calabresa (Furo MTV) disse tão eloqüentemente “Orgulho Hetero é o Dia do Homofóbico Enrustido” tsá?!
Gente, porque que essa porra desse país deixa a bosta da Igreja governar? Por que tem que ser muito burro pra não ver que essa palhaçada não vai ser uma manifestação pelo orgulho de ser hetero, por que né gente, não é que eles tenham que esconder algo ou levem lampadada na rua por andarem de mãos dadas.
Escrevam o que eu digo, se o congresso aprovar essa idiotisse de fato, vocês verão cartazes do tipo “Defendendo a Moral & Bons Costumes”, “Orgulho de Uma Família Normal”, “Se Deus Gostasse de Gays, Porque Não Criou Adão & Adão?”... sabe, a mesma ladainha que ouvimos desde 1500.
Fora que, que Moral & Bons Costumes é essa de que eles tanto falam? O costume de roubar dinheiro do povo, de aceitar propina, de ser corrupto?
Família? Pai bebado que bate na mulher? Mãe drogada e prostituta?
Né, vamos acordar pra Jesus povo!
Sabe, não cola mais, sou da opinião que ou vai, ou racha.
Não dá mais pra abaixar a cabeça e fingir que não é com você.
Não aceito essas bichas que vão pra igreja e financiam a merda que eles fazem e depois vem me encher o saco dizendo que Deus é pra todos.
Como já diria Gwen Stefani “Take a chance your stupid whore!... What are you waiting for?!”.
Quero deixar claro desde já que se essa bosta desse dia do orgulho hetero ir adiante, é melhor as senhoras TODAS se mandarem dessa espelunca, pois leis podem ser alteradas. A união civil estável por parceiros do mesmo sexo será removida da constituição. PLC 122 nunca será aprovado. E não dúvido muito que eles adicionem pederastia como crime com pena de morte.
Sabe o que eu sinto do meu país hoje em dia?
Vergonha...
É um tapa na cara, aprovar essa merda semanas após o Dia do Orgulho Gay (em SP). Uma afronta a qualquer orgulho que alguém possa ter. Não tenho vergonha de ser gay, tenho vergonha de pertencer a um país que possa considerar tal ação.
Gente, cadê os protestos? Pois não é um caso de “se os gays podem ter o dia deles, nós podemos ter o nosso”.
É um caso de “Se essas bichinhas ACHAM que está tudo bem, vamos cuspir na cara delas”.
Já passou da hora do Brasil evoluir.

BeijoMeLiga

Time and Prophecy

2011-07-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

by Antonio Sousa
July.24/2011

Part I - About my fears

From this hour and forth
I promise to have happiness
To laugh and love and pray
And cry only when faced with madness

From this day and beyond
I shall be remembered as the liar
The one who tried to wear the mask
The one who failed in life

Maybe after next week
I won't be called the poet
Instead they shall ignore the rest
Of my writings, not even put me to the test

In a month or so
When life is easier and more calm
When sun, water and light will be my fellows
Maybe things will get tender and mellow

Part II - About my love for David T. Jackson

After a year trying hard, I shall surpass
The odds of living here in Canada
The cold and rich land of no ancestry
The bold move of life I call agony

A decade shall we meet, hand in hand
And through tempest, snow, wind or sand
We will conquer it all, this I shall grant

A hundred will be the number of your years
I shall be old and grey: 73
The mark of our love will still be seem

Millenniums and light years will make us old
But sad will be the day that all our folks
Forget we are a story to be told.

Honor & Justice, Pain & Despair

2011-05-20T23:56:00.001-07:00

Stupidity and bad behavior
The will to do everything wrong
Following the rules when it is
Convenient or fun

All shall be ignored,
But the convenient truth
Selective hearing will be
The skill they will mostly use

I shall pass intact,
With my soul as pure as ice
Your select lies won't bruise
My heart or arms

The spear I carry on my back
Honor & Justice I chose to call
A silver tongued demon won't
Last when it's shield is poison raw

The battle won't be fierce,
But short and fair played
How could a weak creature
Even stand a chance?

It can't. It is weak.
And once and for all
Pain and despair it shall meet.

It will be left alone
To die on the battlefield
And when all the stars die
Will curse the pain it feels

It won't be judged on fire
It will feel the light instead
The lies it has been telling
Will fulfill the curse I place:

"For a hundred years it will be locked
The gates of paradise it shall see
But the pleasures the paradise offers
It won't be allowed to touch, taste or hear"

And that is what I chose for you
- The demon who hides the truth -
By the end of a hundred years
You shall perish and then be set free.

Honor & Justice, Pain & Despair
Antonio Sousa
May.21/2011

Hate & Anger

2011-05-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

To be the bigger and better person
And do the right thing
Usually lands in bad results
Not for this company, for me.

But for next time now I know:
Just be an asshole
Let them single handed
Do the work of us all

There is not a cup half full
There will be no companionship
'Cause the knife you stuck in my back
I will deliver back to you

My Putrid Soul

2011-03-27T00:37:00.000-07:00

- to Don Leblac -

To bring death to my lips
and claim it back as if it was yours
is like singing a bunch of shit
to a kid you claim you once loved

Don't bring me pain or jealousy
or even think of promise love
what you have is what I will take:
Just sex and drugs and rock and roll

I met you once, or maybe twice
And on those times you gave me that:
Just what I want and a little more
I will take it and give you no regrets

Don't promise me more,
Don't be so sweet.
What I take I won't give back

What you give is pure and free
What I take I won't give back

I am like a child, a putrid soul
I will have sex and love and more
You are a dream, a cute (my) boy
But what you give is my, no throws.

Please stay away, and close to me
Don't stay so close, stay right here
What I want I can't define
Give back what never was once mine.

My Perfect Sin

2011-01-22T19:54:00.001-08:00

I love my smell
After a shower
So I can't help
But touch myself

It is manhood and cleaniness
It is soap, water and naughtiness
I get all roused up
With the feel of my skin

The fresh scent of showering
The smell from your manhood
Touches and wispers of a fair skin
Was dirty and now it is clean

I like it when you're fresh
So I can lick your body hair
And run my nose through your complexity
Smelling every inch of your perfect sin.

Happiness wil be my revolution!

2010-11-30T00:42:00.000-08:00

It is like when you are a kid and your mom tells you not to do something, then you do it even though you know it is

wrong but you don't wanna tell her because you don't wanna hurt her feelings, why? Because you love her.
So why did you do it in the first place? I guess it is a human need for adventure and rule-braking.
If your mom tells you not to do something OF COURSE you are going to do it. That is how it works, right?
I apologize for all the mistakes and wrong doings, and swear that life will flow naturally on it's patterns of

reclusion, refusion and conclusions.
I never managed to be sober on my doings and follow the voice in your head that says "Dude, don't". Something tells

me... well, Something is a really annoying person.
The human nature that did indeed lead us to evolution must have dissipated through out the years of holocaust and

butchery, cause I have none left. Human kind have none left. We are left to each other's solely mercy, which

doesn't help because humans tend to be inhumans, totally merciless.
So why, I ask you, why do we insist on the same mistakes of breaking people thrust. Is it to assure that there was

thrust in there in the first place? Well, but now there is none, so you conclude it wasn't really really there, was

just a pretend thrust.
Well, dude, I have bad news for you: You are the one who doesn't thrust.
Yes, I know, life is hard and cruel. But it has been like that forever and with everybody, you are not the only

one. So stop crying, go find a job, a boyfriend, leave your parents house and get happy.
Yeah, sometimes you need help from alcohol or movies or something else to remember what is it to be happy, but you

know what? So what?!
As long as you can remember and feel happiness, I say it is ok.
Nobody is happy all the time, that would be even stupid to say because everybody knows it is impossible.
Sadness is there to remind you of how good happiness is and why you sleep everynight with the same person who may

not produce pleasant smells during the night, but he makes you happy.
And that is something worth fighting and living for.
Now that you found the person who brings you happiness, maybe you should bring him happiness.
Be his knight in a shiny armor.

Let happiness be, against the world, your revenge.

- Antonio Sousa
November.29/2010

A Bohemian Rhapsody

2010-11-23T21:46:00.000-08:00

A Bohemian Rhapsody
by Antonio Sousa

In November 24th will be 19 years since Freddy Mercury has left the stage. Another one among so many victims of AIDS. I was 4 years old when he died and I am pretty sure that when it happened it didn't really meant anything to me. But what Freddie means to me nowadays is way beyond a rock singer.

He is a symbol, a standard, a martyr, if you wish, in the fight against prejudice.

Althought he was the only rock singer ever to have an audience of 72.000 people (Live Aid, 1985) to sing, clap and swing in unison, Mercury still shows at the 18th position as the most influent rock singer in a list of 100 created by the Rolling Stones Magazine.

His voice would go from an E2 to a F5, do you know of any other rock singer who can do the same?

Freddie Mercury is a symbol in the fight against prejudice, having his life always under speculation about his sexual “preferences”. One time, a reporter asked him "So how about being bent? " by NME in December 1974, Mercury replied "You're a crafty cow. Let's put it this way, there were times when I was young and green. It's a thing schoolboys go through. I've had my share of schoolboy pranks. I'm not going to elaborate further." A writer for a gay online newspaper felt that audiences may have been overly naive about the matter: " with shows that he used to be bullyed when a kid.

Even his band, when he suggested the name Queen, were no so cooperative in the beginning.

Some months ago I was watching TV and zapping through the channels when I stopped for some seconds at an interview with Adam Lambert saying how he was a “singer and not A gay, that is why I don't get involved into the gay community. Here I am an artist, without gender” and I got SO pissed off.

The only reason why you can wear eye mascara, black nails and be openly gay for the world, mr. Lambert, is because the gay community even before you start thinking about existing was fighting for YOUR right to be what you want to be. It is because of Freddie Mercury was in the stage dressed in the way he wanted, expressing his style, the same one you find so modern but he was already showing 30 years ago.

I begun to listen to Queen because my mother used to buy the Cds, she always loved Freddie Mercury. I don't think that she understands what he means to me, the power he has and how the attitude he had decades ago change the world and started a mental revolution for that generation. But makes me happy that she likes Queen and I never heard a word of prejudice from her.

Alas, when I was search for a Freddie picture to put as my profile at facebook, there was a picture of him saying “Freddie Mercury: gayer than a bag of dicks”. In other words, prejudice is alive and burning.

Maybe it is not even the fact that Fraddie Mercury was gay that bothers so many people, but the fact he was free, the fact he said, did and wore what he wanted. A free mind.

I love you, Freddie Mercury, for everything you represents.

------

Pros brasileiros, aqui tá a versão original em português: http://revistaladoa.com.br/website/artigo.asp?id=17125&cod=1592&idi=1&xmoe=84&moe=84

Um Poema de Desespero

2010-11-22T00:43:00.000-08:00

E o que eu mais quero
Meu desejo mais puro e intimo
É que o peso dos meus passos
Não passem esquecidos

Que o fogo do meu pranto
E o pavor que vem de dentro
Não fiquem marcados na areia
Que se vai ao sopro do vento

Que não seja em vão meu grito
Nem passageiro o meu passeio
Pelos cantos extremos da Terra

Que a cera da vela acesa
Na mais traiçoeira da horas
Permaneça no canto da mesa.

--------------------------------

And what I really want
My deepest and purest desire
Is that the weight of my footsteps
Won't go unnoticed

That the fire of my cry
And the terror from inside
Won't be marked on the sand
That foes with the wind's blow

That won't be in vain my scream
Nor passengers my steps
Through the extremes corners of the Earth

That the wax of candle that was lighten
During the trickiest hour
Will stay by the table's corner.

Principios da Vulgaridade

2010-10-01T10:45:00.001-07:00

E como aprendi com o C.E.M.
Que é meio poeta, meio monstro
Gozar com o pau dos outros
É mais fácil e mais gostoso

Copiar o que alguém esperto
Escreveu e fez famoso
Fingir que são suas as palavras
Vindas da sabedoria dos outros

Eu julgo e sou bem julgado
- Um gênio incompreendido! -
No jogo do desprezo cruzado
Não há batalha que tenha esquecido

Na verdade eu gosto dele
(Ou sinto que podeira gostar)
Só não gosto do que vejo nele
Como preconceito contra o mundo vulgar

Ok, eu estendo que vulgaridade é meio vazio
E que o suprassumo da vida não é sexo
O que é bom, é bom e o que é vazio, é vazio
Mas a linha que divide é tênue e brasil*

Peço desculpas pelo desrespeito, ofensas e desatino
Como crianças no playground brigando pelo brinquedo perdido
Discuto e faço bagunça, ouriço e arrepio
Mas tudo, tudo que faço
É nome de Baco e Dionisio

A Fever To Tell - Aug.6/2010

2010-08-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

I have a fever that doesn't seem to pass
I have feelings stuck into the past
The hours and days since then I've seen
Are build into the lost fate of our brotherhood

Happiness is nothing more than the path of the weak
Lets walk together through despair and calamity
And once we pass across the bridge of pain by the River of Tears
Hold my hands 'cause soon will come the time of doubt, anger and fear

Your choice is "no, not calamity
Instead hold my hand, walk with me
Leave behind the path of fear
Join my life where we shall be free"

It makes nonsense, such insanity!
Not seeking pain you chose stability
This world is too cruel and won't let you be
The life you seek there is no way to live!

You laugh and smile (to calm me down)
You hold my hand then hold me tight
"Come with me, live my dream"
It is too hard to believe in such inadequate

"I would walk through hell and eat fire
Or fight bare hand against USA's army
But there is no need, I give you the chance
Let happiness be, against the world, your revenge"

About how Dust is an incovenience

2010-07-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

My books in the shelf tell me things I already know
Then they go to sleep without learning new ones
Always the same lines, always the same thing
That is why I say "The Dust In Time"
It covers it's front and top and side alike
It impregnates my books - they are so precious to me! -
I take a wet cloth and make them all clean
'Cause Dust won't stay, in my house or near my dreams
It is dirt and dead skin. It fills what once was clean
It is only a bother and bring more work
To someone who is already tired and seeking sleep
My grandma used to say "Dust is bad energy!"
So I learned straight ahead not to let it linger in
It may come as I am working and have no time to stop and clean
But once I am free and with renewed energy
DON'T EVEN THINK I WILL LET YOU BE!

About how Dust is an inconvenience.
Antonio Sousa
July.12/2010

Tormento / Torment

2010-07-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

Para todos os momentos da vida
Sempre haverá sofrimento
É ele quem traz movimento
Crucifica e dá sustento
Apedreja e amplifica

Felicidade só traz alento
E é substancial como o vento
Te deixa esperando por algo
Que se vier virá bem lento

Sofre que é assim que se cresce
Com a dor da morte e o peso do tempo -
Deglute e aproveita cada momento
Aprende a viver na carnificina do teu tormento
Espera e vê e aprende:
Não há nada pra você aqui,
A não ser células mortas e o abraço do coveiro.

20/junho/2010 – Nova York
Antonio Sousa

For every moment in life
There will always be suffering
And it is him whom will bring movement
Crucify and gives base
Rock you out and amplify

Happiness will only bring the whisper of courage
And is as substantial as the wind
Will let you waiting for something
That if comes, will come really slow

Suffer because that is how you will grow up
With the pain of death and the weight of time -
Digest and make good use of every moment
Learn to live in the butchery of your torment
Wait and see and learn:
There is nothing here for you
But dead cells and a hug from the grave keeper.

Ode ao Poeta #2 / The Second Song to The Poet

2010-05-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

Vai poeta, vai e publica outro livro
1,2,3 quantos poemas você já fez
Falando do amor por ele e por ela
Reclamando dos desprazeres da vida
E dos prazeres que sente com ele?

Anda poeta, corre e escreve outra letra
Uma atrás da outra formando uma linha
Da linha pra estrofe e pro verso
Falando da beleza do sexo
Explicando os mistérios da morte

Vem poeta, dorme que outro dia já vem
Mas não dorme, não pode, escreve, corre e descorre
Sobre tudo que aprendeu e sobre o que não sabe
Disserta sobre o que não entende
Explica o que nunca viu

Poeta, tu que és burro, que és como a pedra
Que é uma esponja, absorve e solta
Absorve e solta.

-------------------------

Go poet, go and publish another book
1, 2, 3 how many poems have you written
Talking about the love you feel for him and for her
Complayning about the displeasures of life
And about the pleasures you feel with him?

Walk poet, run and write down another letter
One after another forming a line
From the line to a strophe and into a verse
Talking about the beauty of sex
Explaining the misteries of death

Come poet, sleep 'cause another day will come
But you won't sleep, you can't, write, run and elapse
About everything you learned and about what you don't know
Lecturing about what you can't understand
Explain what you never saw
Poet, you who are stupid, who is like a stone
Who is a sponge, absorbs and release
Absorbs and release.

There won't be happiness

2010-03-21T01:34:00.000-07:00

Right now I wanna die
Right now: why to live?
If you are, but not here
If even there, there is no end
No happiness or crazy dance
If by my side you choose no dance
Why should I live, if I am sad?
I see it now, you seek her:
Lady Happiness
She is not with me, won't hold my hand
Never with me or by my side
She is so far, so far away
And you are here, but why with me?
I am not happy and will never be
You try so hard but will never reach
the corner of life that lays inside
My putrid soul, so long dead now.

Set In Stone

2010-02-23T00:25:00.001-08:00

Once you are done
With all those boys in your bed
Remember who really loves you
And where does your bed stands

I am the one who loves you
And baby, I don't really care
if your libido or style of life
Brings you so many sex affairs

It is in my arms that you find peace
Our destiny was in stone set
Every night of every day
Was made for us to share

Words

2010-02-12T09:11:00.001-08:00

Words are like a knife, they are like a bullet
Once you press the trigger, there is no turning back
At the point of impact they will do their affair
And when they hit the target it's pain is worse than death

You can't stop a bullet or take back a word
Each strike of a knife will cut through flesh
Each word spoken will reach somebody's ear
And maybe what it's gonna do is make true your most terrible fear

A lost bullet can also kill
A wrong word will bring you pain
Sometimes, if aimed to your lover's heart
It will hurt you instead of them

Poets are like this: A killer with words
Assassin of lives and loves and hopes
With words God made what we shall destroy
But in some of our words you may find joy

Some poems are for love and life and happiness
Created from the heart of a true poet or poetess
Will bring down the fear caused by madness
And raise the spirit of the gloomest and destroy sadness

I speak for me only when I say "I am afraid of words"
'Cause they can cause pain if spoken too lightly
Words are a gift and a curse for a writer
Sometimes they cause doubt if written in the wrong "frases"

I am afraid of hurting my man, for I did it more than once
With words ill spoken in times ill favored
Now I care for what I say because I could lose too much
And I set free the feelings of doubt or shame

If your god creates with words, what does a poet do
When writing a poem in black ink or blue?
He creates his fantasy, his perfect world
For me this place is me, a dog and you.

feb11/2010

My pornographic love

2010-02-05T00:19:00.000-08:00

* a poem in english and portuguese

In a time like this where could you be?
'Cause in my bed there is no you
There is no smell, no cum or cu
You might be in a bar or your own bed
In a hotel in a far away realm
Sharing fine linens with not so fine man
Or even to make me mad
You might share your body with women

In a night so warm during winter
Where could you be dripping your sweat?
Not in my shower since in my house
I can't see you or hear you talk
Might be on the beach or sleeping under stars
Probably you are dancing, there, where you are

A song shall be made for my feelings of saudade
I will sing during winters that shall come through my body
But in two weeks, when you are back, and from those beds you have only pictures
I will forget about these feelings and suck your cock with such love
That all those men which may have touched you will simply perish
And all those moments that you may have shared
The dust of time and space will cover

Will come the time you will say "I remember..."
But in such time time I will say "Eu te amo..."
And between your legs is where lies, so sweet and tender
The base in which I found my most sweet "planos"
Then will come the day YOU will say "eu te amo"
But you already said, that is why I can rest.

- For David Jackson, Feb.5/2010

To love so much

2010-01-27T09:42:00.000-08:00

To love so much might not be healthy
It is hard to understand
In a winter so cold
That even 3 guys won't warm up this bed

The spot is yours
Your smell is like a ghost
When I lay my head to sleep
My dreams are about your crotch

I wonder if you know
How unfair it is
To give me love
Then simply leave

You should come back
I swear to all gods:
If you are not around
I go from bad to worse

by Antonio Sousa
for David Jackson, my stinkso

Live and Let Live - for Anton Clarke

2010-01-08T21:59:00.001-08:00

You don't deserve a poem
So I won't even start this one
Instead I will tell the history
Of how you became no one

To hate and to lie and to steal and to cheat
Maybe everyone will do at some point
Not you though, since for you
These four sordid things are actual and hot

I don't hate you now, nor wish you death
My conscience is free of burden or care
For you no feeling at all I can carry
Since in my life you have no set

I would say "live and let live"
Be crazy, be anguished
Be the liar you are
Life will make sure that in the end
The bill you shall pay will be more than I ask.

Não Quero Ser Livre - I don't Want to Be Free

2009-11-08T11:01:00.001-08:00

Eu não quero ser livre
Da liberdade só sei um fato:
O que seria do comprimido
Sem seu opressivo frasco?
Não à liberdade
E sim à jaula dos teus braços@

Eu nasci livre, é algo que sempre fui
Chegou a hora de me prender,
O livre arbitrio já não me seduz.

Quero a prisão da tua cama,
De morar n'um lugar só.
Não me importo em ser tua dama
E da liberdade só ver o pó.

Abidico do que nunca quis
Abro mão do natural desejo
Abandono minha liberdade
Em troca dos teus beijos.

by Antonio Sousa - Para David Jackson.

---------------------

I don't want to be free
Of freedom I know this fact:
What would be of a pill
Without it's oppressive flask?
No to freedom
And yes to the cage of your arms!

I was born free
That is something I will always be
It is time to get me locked
The freewill seduce me no more

I want the jail of your bed
Of living in a place only
I do not mind to be your lady
And of freedom see only dust

I will abdicate what I never wanted
I will let go of the natural desire
I will abandon my freedom
In exchange of your kisses

For David Jackson

- 'Cause I don't want to be free! -

My Secret - Meu Segredo

2009-10-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

O Segredo

Eu tenho uma teoria, mas não vou dividir com você
A teoria é simples
O que eu não divido é meu ser
Sou o que era e metade do que fui
Vou e venho e o vento é o que leva
Não divido meu segredo, o secreto esconderijo
Aonde escondo as coisas que eu fazia quando menino
O que faço depois de grande, homem, com barba e crescido
Essas tantas coisas, essas eu publico num livro.
O segredo é a montanha, o Sol, a nuvem que passa
Nuvem não pára, nuvem só passa, quem pára é a montanha
Água também passa, mas passa que passa correndo!
Quem corre também é o tempo, mas esse ninguém pode ver.
O segredo é secreto e absurdo, ele pára e corre no ar
Mas o ar não pára nem corre, então um segredo não há.

The Secret

I have a theory, but I won't share it with you
The theory is simple
What I won't share is my being
I am what I was and half what I used to be
I go and come and the wind is what carries
I won't share my secret, the hidden hideway
Where I hide the things I did when I was a boy
What I do since I am big, man, bearded and grown up
These many things, these I publish in a book.
The secret is the mountain, the Sun, the cloud that goes
Clouds can't stop, they can only go, what stop is the mountain
Water also goes, and it goes running so fast!
What runs as well is the time, but this one nobody can see.
The secret is hidden and absurd, it stops and runs in the air
But the air can't stop or run, so there is no secret at all.

Adiando Brigas e Evitando Confusões | Postponing Fights and Avoinding Confusions

2009-10-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

Evitando brigas e adiando confusões
Vou que vou entre espinhos e pedras
Quebrando as regras e destroçando os grilhões
Passo meus dias analisando as perdas

Perco o que perco mas ainda sigo
Ganho minha vida sem custar aos outros
Sigo meus passos e sonho meus sonhos
Vejo você como servo e meu amo

Você já faz parte do que eu nunca quis
Minha vida é parte de um grande teatro
E quando as cortinas do ato já sobem
Não sei se sou rei ou se sou meretriz

Minha vida segue, porém, com você
E nos meus passos há sempre um buraco
Porém eis que caio e ergo meus braços
E você me levanta pois está ao meu lado.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Avoiding fights and postponing confusion
I follow and follow among thorns and stones
Breaking the rules and changing the fetters
I spend my days analizing the losses

I lose what I lose but I keep going
I win my life by nobody's loss
I follow my steps and dream my dreams
I see you as my slave and my master

You are part of what I never wanted
My life is part of a big theatre
And when the courtains for this act go up
I don't know if I am a king or a whore

My life follows (but now) with you
And in my way there is always some holes
And suddenly I fall and raise my arms
Then you lift me up, 'cause you are with me.

october.3rd.2009
by Antonio Sousa

- Because I am a bashful child in love with a strong man who follows by my side and pick me up when I fall, and I fall way too often -

The Poison In Your Veins

2009-09-26T14:13:00.001-07:00

There is poison running in your blood
A poison that you offer quietly
A drink to death in the touch of the lips
The poison that you acquired

To offer in silence is to commit a crime
To offer openly is simply not right
You simply offer, not denying
You simply show the poison you carry

You don't really care, since you are poisonous
If someone else your poison will get.

To play with poison is the danger in life
To get poisonous is to play with life
Your poison smells good and taste and feels good
But in the end you wish you never had
Kissed the guy who poisoned you.

by Antonio Sousa
september.26.09

To love is to deny the pain

2009-09-19T00:37:00.000-07:00

I am sad. Sad as I never should
There is no time
Or cure
Or heal
Or drug
Or drink
Or god who can prove me wrong
He doesn't deserve it! You should stop it!
My conscience is way more beautiful
And smart and stupid
My conscience tells me that I am wrong
I know I am, I know all my mistakes
"And once you draw your last breath
Let the end begins"
To love is to consider the risk
To be or not be treated like shit
I lived things that most people never dreamed about
To love is to lust in a painful way denying pain
Some people will just deny it too much

-----

Estou triste. Triste como nunca deveria ser
Não há tempo
Ou cura
Ou remédio
Ou droga
Ou bebida
Ou deus que me prove o contrário
Ele não merece! Pare com isso!
Minha consciência é muito mais bonita
E esperta e estúpida
Minha consciência me diz que estou errado
Eu sei que estou, eu reconheço meus erros
"E assim que der seu último suspiro
Deixe o fim começar"
Amar é considerar o risco
De ser ou não tratado como lixo
Eu vivi coisas que a maioria nem sonhou
Amar é desejar dolorosamente negando a dor
Tem gente que nega demais.

Porque você faz poema 2 / The reason why you make poem 2

2009-09-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

Minha poesia é meta física
E esse é um jeito fácil
De dizer o que não se explica

Isso evita a teoria
E de certo modo erotisa
Pois minha poesia
habita logo abaixo da barriga

Talvez seja outro modo
De quitar minha dívida
- O medo da hipocrisia -
Pois se não é física
Nem da caneta a tinta fica

------------

My poetry is metaphysical
And that is an easy way
To say what you can't explain

This avoids the theory
(And somehow eroticizes)
For my poetry
Inhabits right under my belly

Maybe it is another way
To pay my bill
- the fear of hypocrisy -
'Cause if it is not physical
Not even the ink from pen stays

by Antonio Sousa
Algum periodo de 2008

My second poem inspired on the song "Porque você faz cinema" (The reason why you make movies) from Adriana Calcanhotto

My Weapon of Choice

2009-09-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

And if in the fight
They ask what I want
My poetry is gonna be
My weapon of choice

'Cause who can stand
The sadness of my life
Who can survive
The attack of my dark heart?

For I stay with my poems
'Til the very end
'Cause before I was alone
And nowadays I am still the same

My poems aren't sad
They are happy in their way
Sad is who read it
But is too dumb to understand

I wrote this poem some time in July/2008, in response to all these people who say my poetry is sad.

Hope

2009-09-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

For hope will be the last thing
The last thing to perish
Shall die all the mankind
Or the stars turn into velvet black
Hope will always be there

From Pandora the box was opened
And time and time again we say:
"That was the men's doom's day"
But that was for Achile's kind
What brought the very happiness

For all the books shall pray
Into their bowed or straight lines
Into their new or destroied letters
That diseases brought the box
When it never brought any sadness

In fact the box was there
A gift from Zeus itself
Even tho the gods like to play
A Zeus's gift will always be from heaven
But in heaven it shall not stay

The box was once miscarried
And Prometheus was baddly advised
His counscience taught him straight
"Don't open what at Olimpo was made
Don't open what the Olimpian gave"

But trully, what was there but
The very only thing that bring happiness?
The very last thing to come from there
Was the shinest and lovely mermaid
A lady called Hope, a name that shall remain.

by Antonio Sousa
Sometime in 2008

I wrote this poem because everybody says that all my poems are sad... what is happier than hope?

The Trick of The Trade

2009-09-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

Something I hate
Is to trade my feelings
For money or food
Or shelter or sex

There won't be a change
Or the trick of the trade
My feelings are mine
With me they will stay

I won't be yours
Or anyone else
To believe in this lie
Is to freeze into hell

And will the the stars fall?
Will the sea dry?
Can a heart love
And don't just die?

by Antonio Sousa
For Peter Jackson. July/2008

This poem was written a year ago or so, when I was living with Peter Jackson. Well, I guess you can have a feeling of how happy my life was...
And when I compare this poem with The Rhythm of Life, then I can see how my life changed and how happy I am right now, and that is saying a lot, since I am not one of the happiest guys in this world. Not for anyone's fault but mine.
I always say that "I carry the burden of Death", meaning that I understand that we all die someday. But then, should it be a reason to enjoy everything or a reason to threat existence itself as a burden?

The Rhythm of Life

2009-09-13T23:12:00.000-07:00

I was walking through a lost way
and walking and walking sad I came
I had found you in the life's way,
And slowly and slowly you began to fade

For times I walked through the cold night
Alone, no direction, freezing I followed
When I found you was like I thought:
In the way I follow you also go

In the street I walked my sad steps
And you, so beautiful, by my side smiled
I saw you and thought about my epiphany:
"The Death is the moment for which life exists"

You carelessly smiled and told me then
That life aims only to live
I laughed and thought "Maybe this might be"
And since then I followed your rhythm.

For David "jacksonphotografix" Jackson
by Antonio Sousa - September/2009

Hello, Cruel World!

2009-09-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

"In the beginning there was verb, then verb became flesh", doesn't it makes God, if he is actually there, the first poet? To transmute verb (words) into flesh (life) is what we, poets and writers, try to do at every second given from our lives to the act of writing something that, most of times, will never be read except by it's own creator.
Keeping this same thought in mind, I decided to start this blog, so to divulge my writings (of dubious quality and/or poetry or not).

The name of this blog and the address come from 2 different sources:

The House of The Happy Buddhas is my translation of "A Casa dos Budas Ditosos", a book written by João Ubaldo Ribeiro, Brazilian writer. This book means A LOT to me, it tells the history of a woman living in Brazil in the 50's and how her life (sexual) was free of dogmas and pains, it thought me a lot and I try to lead my life (not in the way she did but) in the way she tries to teach us: free.

betopoetix:
My boyfriend, David Jackson, is a photographer and his website/logo is jacksonphotografix. I love him and he teaches me something new everyday, so it is some kind of homage and copying of his art, which represents a part of human life that most of us try to hide, and he, brilliantly and ingeniously, puts outta there and I am proud of him for it, I am proud of being part of his life.

The image is my left hand (the same used for Quiromancy) and I call it "The Drawn Destiny".