There won't be happiness

Right now I wanna die
Right now: why to live?
If you are, but not here
If even there, there is no end
No happiness or crazy dance
If by my side you choose no dance
Why should I live, if I am sad?
I see it now, you seek her:
Lady Happiness
She is not with me, won't hold my hand
Never with me or by my side
She is so far, so far away
And you are here, but why with me?
I am not happy and will never be
You try so hard but will never reach
the corner of life that lays inside
My putrid soul, so long dead now.